Pink Prank

How to get a person to never talk to you again.

So today I was chatting in the hall before my College Algebra class at FGCU and I was actually holding down a mature adult conversation until I brought something up.  All I said to spark the fire that was about to burst was "I might grow my hair out."  So before I explain the rest of this story, let me give you a little insight on a class mate that I will refer to as DFG.  Now this girl is smart, not just regular smart, like Asian smart.  However, she lacks the ability to hold on a conversation about anything but math and doing good for others, so I suspect she was home schooled.  She always tries to help me and my friend Sarah when we really don't care about the class.  So she always tries to help us out, but not in a friend way, it's almost like she thinks she's the teacher, so therefore I can not speak to her normally.  Now I have been devising many tactics to get DFG to not talk to me, for example; I usually wear a bandanna and sun glasses in that class so she can't make eye contact to talk with me, but this plan has failed because I can't find my sun glasses.

So back to the beginning of the story.  From this point on I will type the dialog in an easier to read format:

DanK-  So I might grow my hair out.

Sarah- Yeah, I am getting mine cut so I can donate it to one of the cancer organizations.

DanK- I would never do that

Sarah- Why?

DanK- Well, when was the last time a cancer kid did anything for you?(Sarah just stares at me)  Exactly, so until a cancer kid makes me a sandwich or something, I am not giving them shit.

(At this point DFG hears the offensive statement that was just uttered out of my mouth, and the argument begins...)

DFG- You wouldn't help a kid with cancer?

DanK- Hell no, they haven't done anything for me.

DFG-  Well have you ever heard of the even in Disney where you take terminally ill kids to the park and help them out?  Because I do it every year.

DanK- I would never do that, I hate kids, let alone ones with diseases who haven't done anything for me.

DFG- You wouldn't help a terminally ill child?

DanK- No, they haven't done anything for me.

DFG- Why would some child have to do something for you just so you would help them?

So, at this point two people jump in the argument in MY defense, and then I stated how I would like to take a kid with a heart condition on the Hulk on Halloween Horror nights.  Needless to say this girl will never talk to me again.

-DanK

Kids, do you have ADD?

"Then why don't you kill yourself, with Strattera ®, now with random food flavor for that last meal effect." 

"A drug commonly prescribed for attention deficit disorder as an alternative to stimulants may increase suicidal thinking in children and adolescents, federal drug regulators warned yesterday."

"The drug, Strattera from Eli Lilly, will carry a prominent "black box" warning - the Food and Drug Administration's most serious alert - on its label, said F.D.A. officials and Lilly representatives."

Carey, Benedict (2005, September 30). F.D.A. Orders New Warning on an Attention-Deficit Drug. Retrieved September 30, 2005, from http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/30/health/30drug.html

So let me get this straight. If you having trouble paying attention, you will be subjected to a drug that cures you, allowing you to focus clearly. Yet, the clear focus has now become to kill yourself? How is this curing the problem, people. Luckily the percentages of people actually afftected in this manner are below 10%. However, just imagine one day you fall asleep drawing your name on a desk in class. The teacher sends you to a counselor who suggests you improve your attention span through a prescription. You take the pills and a week later you aren't drawing your name anymore, you are CARVING IT into your wrist. I bet, somewhere in the upper level floors of the Strattera ® building, there is a man watching the suicide rate slowly climb and rubbing his hands together. Because two days later the local morgue runners are at his door paying him for the new load of business. Wouldn't it be hilarious if they each received a dose of their own medication. There's a fraction of a chance that somebody is going to swan dive into the asphalt.

What would you do to be on PinkPrank?

This guy stapled my photo on his arm! thanks man!

Christians and Aliens.

Yes kiddies, it's officially time for Dan to rant about religions!  I am getting increasingly aggravated with the Christian rite trying to control the government.  They even have camps that they send their kids off to in order to groom them to become successful "Christian" politicians.  Now a camp for politicians is nothing new(maybe George Bush should attend one?), I myself might attend one that caters to Democrats, but this one seems a little too, well how should I put this...Nazi-ish.  They are grooming these kids to take over America, and guess which political party they will be with, that's right kiddies, the Republicans.  I am just getting so damn sick and tired of our government being taken over by these uber-Christians.  Not that I have anything against Christianity, your beliefs are what they are, even if your savior actually is a black man and you refuse to admit it, but I just wish they would keep their nose out of the class room and not try and teach us Intelligent Design. 

Now this is the biggest load of bull shit I have ever heard, this "Intelligent Design" theory is just that, a theory.  Then again all science is based around theories and facts and last time I checked scientists haven't proved there is a god, but they have proved that we share most of our DNA with other mammals.  Which tells me that we evolved naturally.  When a scientist finally proves there is a god, then maybe I will change my stance, but for now, I'm sticking to the "Intelligent Design is bullshit" theory.  Actually, it depends on what you call "Intelligent Design."  You see kids, I have rather odd views on how our race came into existence, and I think that those "jumps" in our evolution was caused by Extraterrestrials.  Now, I know you are already thinking I am a damn crack pot for saying that, but just listen.

Now scientists can not show where or when we became this modern form of man, so my theory is that we are the half brothers of the man which came before us.  So what is the other half then?  It's extraterrestrial.  It makes some sense, why else can we not explain how we got to the state we are in now?  I think we have been visited many times by these Aliens and I think one of them is the one so many of us call Jesus.  Jesus was half Alien, it would make sense, it could explain all of the "miracles" he performed.  It could also explain why the Romans always had stories about half god half men, they were just stories about half breed Aliens who inherited the powers of a race far beyond our comprehension.

Now I am sorry if you thought the last few paragraphs were a waste of your time, but deal with it, and send me your hatemail:   dankzilla@gmail.com

-DanK

"PC" Popped Collar: Wardrobe Malfunction must come to an end

Originally posted on Ralph Dagza's Myspace Blog

An epidemic is sweeping the worlds of snobs and wannabes alike. It continues to stand up against the forces of gravity and reason. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about the Popped Collar bitches!

Surely you've noticed this phenomenon. The first time you saw it, you may have been confused as to why an 18-year-old looked like he or she had gotten dressed in the dark. But after taking a closer look, you realized this collar was not a simple wardrobe malfunction, but a deliberate attempt to undermine the craftsmanship of all the small children who worked to perfectly crease that collar.

Many have tried to understand the thought process behind this ridiculous trend, but few concrete answers have been uncovered. Maybe the poppers just forgot. Maybe they're blocking their necks from the sun, wind and rain. Maybe they're cold. Maybe they're hiding hickeys. Maybe they just want their classmates to think they are "cool."

Don't get me wrong. Some of the coolest people in entertainment history flipped up their collars. People like Michael Jackson in the "Bad" era, Ferris Bueller, Elvis, the Fonz and James Dean. These individuals, however, popped their collars because they were either already regarded as extremely cool or would stand up and fight as soon as danger reared its head. A majority of today's pansy ProPOPonents would cry like toddlers in the face of danger.

An upright collar isn't necessarily a sign of wealth or status. Some proud poppers would be ashamed to be associated with some of the famous faces that have sported this trend. Dracula, for one, is a prime example. Star Trek characters, the Bride of Frankenstein, even dogs that have had surgery all get a chance to flip their collars. Not exactly a roster of the Hamptons' finest.

Many students across the country have united in order to help stop this horrible epidemic. They have formed a club called the Anti-Popped Collar Club (APCC) with chapters at many High Schools and colleges nationwide. I believe this article is best summed up by the APCC's universal motto:

"The Popped Must Be Stopped!"

I don't wear my collar up unless I'm being goofy or something. Don't pop your collar unless, you are Dan Keagins.

Its ok to girls to pop their collar just to hide their necks as long as they show more legs!

Dan Keagins meet Lil' Dan

I told him to do that! hahaha

Little Dan

Uhh I'm Little Dan, New, Proud staff member of Pink Prank and I got some good articles up my sleeve. Keep yourself in line, and stop by my section every now and then. Do your brain a favor, get your daily Lil Dan. ggomfgwtfglhfeatbabies. KTHX! =D

DanK is back and he isnt taking any of your shit!

Welcome one and all to the amazement that is Pink Prank.  Please allow me to reintroduce myself, I am DanK, and no I am not called that for the reason you think.  All of you should know me by now, but for those of you who don't, visit this:  www.myspace.com/dankzilla .

So, I guess I should start my first rant on the new site with a current event.  Well, I'll jump on the band wagon and rant about the hurricanes and how the government didn't do anything to help our people.  Now I am a strong believer that you get what you give, so our government gave the people nothing, so guess what the government is going to get from us?  Nothing.

Now I am going to do a quick side track and inform you of one of the most interesting conspiracy theories I have heard lately, and not the one about Jesus being an alien, we all know he was a black man.  Back on track, there is a theory going around that the United States has control over the weather and that they are spraying chemicals into the air by planes doing something called chemtrailing.  Just look it up on Google kiddies, and let your theories fly!

Oh, by the way I have a ten pound penis.

-DanK

Why do old people listen to fruit?

While Working at your friendly neighborhood Publix, I stumbled upon an interesting fact. Old People listen to fruit. That's right folks, they not only squeeze that honeydew for a softness test, but they hold that honeydew right next to their ear as if the melon will burst out and say "I'm ripe. Eat me. Eat me and choke bitch." You know what else they do? They find the nicest organization of fruit lines in all of southwest Florida and they pull from the friggin bottom. All those pretty lines, OBLITERATED. Do they have no sense? Why must they pick from the bottom when it is obviously organized so that they will pick from the top. Are these dumb bastards really listening to fruit and shopping? Or are they secretly there to piss off the mild mannered nature of the produce clerk. One of the great mysteries of Publix.

For more information on old people check out:

Old people, Life in the Slow Lane.

When Wheelchairs Go Bad.