Pink Prank

Ralph Dagza live at melanie's party

This is pinkprank exclusive the first non-linear production made by pinkprank radio, sorry iPodders this is not available to you, why? because i have no time to upload this to iTunes.
theres a drunk dog! fight fight fight fight and some boobies!

March of the penguin as told by Ralph Dagza

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This video was found at the cutting room floor somewhere in CA. i wonder how many times did i say "yeah" ???

Language arts paper about Ralph Dagza

Click here to view the original report

It started as a rumor, I thought it was a joke but this kid actually wrote a paper about me for his language arts class. His name is David Bilske (http://www.myspace.com/dollarbilske), I really don’t know him, maybe ive seen him once. What the heck is a language arts class anyways??? Is that a class where u learn different language and play with their culture? Or maybe it is a class about political science and molecular structure? Due to curiosity, search for the definition of “Language Arts” according to Dictionary.com:

“The subjects, including reading, spelling, and composition, aimed at developing reading and writing skills, usually taught in elementary and secondary school.”

Whoa! So this kid is only on elementary or middle school and he already wrote a paper about me? I feel way better than your God! Because of that statement I’m expecting at least 10 hate mails from religious people, sectors, and groups. I respect what you believe, but leave me alone!!! I don’t believe in god or the devil…I don’t even care about Darwin!

so here's the report by david...

We all have a hero in which we look up to and respect. My hero is a man who is named Ralph Dagza. He has fame, money and hustle. He, in my eyes, is the true definition of a hero.

One reason Ralph is my hero is because he posseses the characteristic of fame. One way i think he has gained fame was by his sense of humor, though i have heard not so much of it, the things i have were quite funny. Another way hes gained glory in my heart is how he got Nick Tirikos and Chris Hoffman to know who he was "cough" because i told them "cough". They claim to think he likes them more but he likes me more even if he doesnt know that. He's got a website too, ive only been on it like twice. But Chris Hoffman slept through it because he copys off of me but cant follow through.

Money usually can make a person cool but this isnt the only thing Ralph needs. With his money it looks as if he buys the flyest clothes out there. Even though ive never seen his shoes i think they probably look cool. He seems rich to because if it really is his backyard then it looks cool. Chris Hoffman aka a poser who think he loves Ralph more fell asleep during the video so he wouldnt know though.

Hustle like a toaster and skillful like ability. I saw him play dance dance revolution and he inspired me to play and buy it. One day i hope to battle him in that game. I dont know if he was really on one but it seemed like everytime i saw him he was with a girl on a date. Ive only seem him 2 times but still. Also he has a crew with him all the time called pinkprank i think. Chris Hoffman aka a poser who thinks he loves Ralph Dagza more only saw them once so he wouldnt know.

Fame. Money and hustle. All things my hero Ralph Dagza has. Hes, even though i barely know him (not at all really), cool. I hope to one day meet him for real so I can make fun of Chris Hoffman who thinks that hes cool because he thinks hes talk to him more when infact i have.

Click here to view the original report

       

Who the heck is Chris Hoffman? and Nick Tirikos? do they have a paper about me too? wow! i gained glory in this kid's heart! and i was with a girl on a date? Whaaaaat? who? Hey david, are you stalking me?

I am this kid's hero!!!

FAME, Thats true me and my friends are famous, we are not your ordinary popular high school icon. i have hollywood's phone number and we are friends with show business.

Im not rich i just have a job, but we always have the cool clothes, me, josh signs, and dan keagins. there are some clothes that are exclusively made for us especially keagins because he will end someone who tries to copy, buys, imitates, his designs and wardrobe. thanks to our humble sponsors who doesnt want their name to be posted here. you know, when youre famous you get cool stuff. and yeah! we have two headquarters, one in ft. myers and one in naples, and soon, a central headquarters in CA right next to UCLA right by the coffee shops. and yeah...

 

 

we are cool because we smoke cigars not cigarettes, and we drink wine instead of beer because we get drunk and get healthy we dont get drunk and passed out. we also own a town somewhere in Alaska.

I can hustle like a toaster! i dont get it. im not that good on DDR but i can play Paranoia on heavy mode. skills, skills, skills, i know how to make pancakes and im really good at playing with people's mind. and about girls, im not always on a date im just that friendly or if the chic was hot, yes it was a date. i hate it when girls that i dont even know, think that im obsessed with them! FUCK YOU! especially the ones with overprotective boyfriend. first of all you gave me your number and you started flirting with me even though you have a bf. CUNT!

im only obsessed with one girl and she calls me "ralphie" (i was gonna put that on my live journal but i dont have one).

 

Well anyways, the creativity and originality of this Language arts paper is what makes an him a badass; it is that for which credit is due. Hehe

Apparently im this kid’s hero, that sucks! Now I have become a good example for this kid. No more Drugs, Alcohol, Murder, Scams, Money laundering. most of all no more gay videos of tim stockman.

Kid, i hope you pass your language arts class

Cordially,
Ralph Dagza

 

Ten things I hate.

Here are ten things that me, Dan Keagins, hates.  Not just a regular hate either, these are deep seeded hates which I have had for a long time and have actual reasons for.  So without further procrastination I bring you(Drum Roll!!)

TEN THINGS DAN KEAGINS HATES!

1. People who have a line beard with a crew cut.  Seriously guys, what's the deal, it's not even real facial hair, and it is the hardest to groom to!  Your facial hair should not be as long as the hair on your scalp, if anything it should be longer, or shorter, just not the same god damn length all around!
2. Dentists.  You are the failures of Medical School, congratulations you lame ass excuse for a doctor.  I have never once called my dentist a doctor.  Think about it, when you go to any doctor, whether it be a family practitioner, a gynecologist, or a proptologist, you always say your going to the doctor, but when you have to go see a dentist you will say that your going to see the dentist.
3. Wiggers.  Your not quite white and definitely not black, but I can assure you that you are one thing, an asshole.
4. Fritos.  They never taste good to me, yet when anyone asks me "Hey Dan, want some Fritos?"  I always respond "Sure!" and then that's when I remember why i don't eat Fritos.
5. Children with diseases.  I am sick and tired of sick kids asking me for money, go get a job you lazy dieing bastards.  I have been working since I was thirteen and these terminally ill kids can't pick up a Sunday shift at McDonald's?  Get out of the wheel chairs, off the crutches and make me my god damn Chicken Nuggets!
6. Car Dealership's radio commercials.  Seriously people, is there a fucking law that says that all of these commercials have to be loud as fuck and also annoying as fornication too?  I really don't understand why an atomic bomb explosion would need to be in a car commercial.  Are the cars that good?  Are they "da bomb," is that why?  Are they trying to insinuate that if we don't buy a car then the terrorists will win?  I don't know, but I do know one thing, I hate male nipples.
7. Perky people.  I am miserable and you should be too, understand?  So stop being happy and start being miserable.  If you need help then just call me and I will assist you with a lead pipe, a plunger, a tire iron, duct tape, and a gerbil.  With those tools I can make anyone miserable. Especially Tony Danza...  Anyway, quit being so god damned happy and lay off the god damn uppers you pill pooping peppy sons of bitches.
8. Emo Kids.  OK now I know I just told everyone to be miserable, but these kids take the term miserable to new heights...or depths, which ever one makes more sense.  I don't understand people who take pleasure in being depressed and unhappy.  Now don't confuse pleasure with happiness, they are two completely different things.  For example:  you can be crying over your dog dieing and getting a blow job at the same time.  See?  Both unhappiness and pleasure coexist, you are sad yet you are still receiving pleasure.  These kids really just need to get laid, by either sex, because lets face it kids, these people could easily "swing" in either direction.  Wait..that wasn't explicit enough...it needs to be better...OK, here we go, these kids could easily fag out on each other.  There, that's more appropriate.
9. Arby's.  I have never had an enjoyable meal from Arby's.  Never.  I have even had decent meals at a Denny's and Waffle House, but I have yet to enjoy anything from Arby's.  I'm sure all the pro-Arby's people are going to send me hatemail now, so as a preemptive strike I am going to flame all Arby's advocates.  Fuck you, Arby's sucks and I will own everything you hold dear and I will eventually destroy you and a gold fish.
10. Bass pro shop hats.  For the love of god do these hats fit anyone?  It seems anytime I see some one with one of these hats on they are just too tight.  This pisses me off.  What's the point of wearing a hat that doesn't fit?  It doesn't even look comfortable.  If I had a gun that just set bass pro shop hats on fire, then I would aim it at every hat I could find, and if the hat happened to be on a person, then I hope they are away from water.  Burn motha fucka, burn.

So, those are ten things that I hate, I hope this gave you an insight into just how much of a bitter person I am.  I hope at least seven people die due to the publishing of this article, fuck you America, and good night.

-DanK 

[Color by:  Technicolor]